Creating a Coping Skills Toolbox
This week, I am sharing an activity children, adolescents, and adults can utilize at home when feeling distressed or are in need of a “time out”.
We all feel distressed and overwhelmed from time-to-time– it is a normal part of life. Stress is our body’s way of letting us know “something just isn’t right here”. When we are able to respond in a way which promotes health, our stress can be an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and what our mind, body, and soul is in need of to re-charge. However, there are times our minds are going “a mile a minute”, and we often struggle in these moments to know how to handle our stress. This is where a “Coping Toolbox” can be a helpful ally in combating stress and feelings of overwhelm.
A “Coping Toolbox” is an activity I recommend to parents and children when a child struggles to regulate his/her emotions within a healthy capacity. A Coping Toolbox is a box (or a bucket like I have in my office), filled with items a child will find comfort in and be able to manage his/her stress without becoming overwhelmed.
It is important to note a Coping Toolbox requires patience and accountability from both the child and parent. It can become easy to find ourselves being swept away by our emotions and feeling as though there is nothing we can do about it. While this may seem true to us in the moment, it is important to keep in mind we always have control over our thoughts and emotions and behaviors– we have to practice to achieve such control. That being said, a Coping Toolbox is a great resource if the parent and child are willing to put forth the effort in utilizing the items set out to achieve a level of calm and mindfulness.
Below are items I recommend to parents and children when creating a Coping Toolbox. However, if there is something you feel your child or yourself can benefit from, do not hesitate to place it in a Coping Toolbox. I highly recommend having a variety of options for children and yourself. I encourage options because we will often find what works in one situation may not work in another. It is important to have options in front of us. When we begin to feel distressed and overwhelmed, the last thing our mind is wanting to do is sift through a mental list of coping skills. By having tools readily available, it eliminates one less step for a child. They will be able to choose their activity and begin the process of practicing mindfulness and distress tolerance.
Coping Toolbox Checklist:
Journal/Notebook
I always encourage my clients to keep a journal or notebook. This can be a daily journal to write about your day or it can be a gratitude journal to write moments of gratitude throughout the day. I have also recommended clients use a journal or notebook to write positive affirmations toward themselves to recite daily.
Post-It Notes
This is very similar to a positive affirmation journal. I will encourage clients to use Post-Its for either positive affirmations or to write what is bothering them down to address later when they are feeling more calm.
Fidget Toys (no fidget spinners)
I do not encourage the use of fidget spinners, as I have seen them used more for fun than as a way of calming the mind. Fidget toys can include silly putty, Play-Doh, pipe cleaners, kush balls, bendable dolls, finger chains, calming jars, and tangles.
Favorite Quotes
I love this activity. I have books throughout my office where clients can pick them up and read uplifting quotes and passages. I also have had colleagues who print off quotes and keep them in a box on a table in their office for clients to take as needed.
Drawing/Sketching/Doodling
I always recommend colored pencils, coloring books, sketch books, and mandalas as a way to calm down. I always encourage clients to take their time when engaging in these activities and to not feeling rushed. The purpose is to calm the mind, which may take time and that is okay.
Exercise
This is one of the best ways to relieve stress. Exercise releases endorphins (the happy chemical) in our bodies. Keep a list of exercise options in your Coping Toolbox and you will be ready to go for a walk, run, or maybe a quick set of jumping jacks!
Music
This one can be tricky, as some genres of music limit the ability to relax. Have a list of your favorite songs or Pandora stations on a piece of paper in your Coping Toolbox so you can refer to them when needed. Make sure these are songs which promote relaxation, positive self-esteem, and happiness.
Distraction
Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves when feeling overwhelmed is to distract ourselves in a healthy way. I encourage clients to read books, watch a favorite movie, engage in hobby (such as crochet, knitting, or painting), complete a crossword, or another craft they enjoy.
Mindfulness
If you find mindfulness to be helpful to you, I highly encourage you to practice. I always recommend apps for phones to my clients to practice mindfulness outside of sessions. Some of my favorite mindfulness apps right are “Calm”, and “Bliss”. Both encourage the art of mindfulness (being purposefully aware), and positive psychology. Give them a try!
Crisis Plan
If you struggle with thoughts of suicide or self-harm when feeling distressed or overwhelmed, I encourage you to keep a safety plan in your Coping Toolbox. This should include triggers, possible coping skills (your Coping Toolbox), and contacts (both personal and professional). I always provide my client with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline which is 988. There is also an app for your phone which serves as a crisis plan when away from your Coping Toolbox. This app is called “My3”.
Pictures
If you have pictures from memorable family vacations or times with friends, put them in your Coping Toolbox. This can be a wonderful reminder of the people in your life who care for you, as well provide you an opportunity to reflect on your positive past experiences.