An Open Letter to Therapists
Hello there,
If you are reading this chances are the title left you curious– therapist or not. Either way, I am glad you are reading because I have something to share with you, sweet therapist. You work tirelessly weekday and even weekend to provide for others, but what are you providing for yourself? Have you taken time this month to reflect upon your own mental health? If you are like me, chances are your selfless personality has left you focusing on everything but yourself these first two weeks of Mental Health Awareness Month. Can I confess a secret? Had today not been a tough day, and I mean TOUGH, I probably would not be sitting in front of this laptop writing this post. But, here we are, together, typing and reading this post.
It makes sense, though , right? Our education and professional careers have allowed us to develop this capacity to give immensely without asking for much in return. We are givers by nature; our upbringing, education, and social environment has led us to be in the other chair listening to another’s heart-wrenching life story, often forgetting how this story we are hearing is impacting us.
Right there, in that paragraph’s entirety, is our problem… we do not always ask ourselves how the trauma and hurt of others impacts us. We are supposed to be the healers, the warriors of mental health! We keep this in mind, tucked away in the back of our brains, making it difficult to allow ourselves to process and make sense of the stories we hear and its impact on our own mental health because we tell ourselves to be strong and be there for others.
Maybe I am over-reaching in assuming “we” is a collective group of ALL therapists, when maybe the content of my post only pertains to me. However, I am almost certain this does not pertain to just me. There is a “we”.
I sat at my desk today, sobbing immensely, questioning EVERY SINGLE DECISION I have ever made as a clinician. Why? Well, between the anxiety, complicated phone calls, and confrontational behavior from my clients, and the “mental health warrior” mentality, all led me to believe “I suck”. Then, somewhere in between the wiping of my nose and the blotting of my eyes to keep the mascara from running, I thought to myself “When is the last time I took a time out and asked myself how I am doing?” The truth is, it has been a while.
I workout almost daily, eat healthy, and try my best to practice deep breathing and reflection at the end of my day. I mean, yes, it could be considered self-care and many would consider my activities to be so. However, when is the last time I sat down and asked myself how I was doing, even during these moments of self-care? I realized I cannot take care of myself if I do not address my whole self… including my mental health. It hit me today I deserve to ask myself this question. More importantly, I deserve to answer this question honestly; giving myself space to explore my mental health and how my career and day-to-day life may be impacting it. We as therapists, deserve to be honest with ourselves. We deserve to let down our capes and put our mental health first. I would argue addressing and placing our mental health first makes us more of a mental health warrior. After all, can we really help others heal if we, ourselves, are not also healed? I do not think we can; not fully and not from a place of empathy and unconditional positive regard.
We deserve to receive just as much as we give. We deserve to experience the healing our clients experience. Does this make us selfish? Does this make us unfit for the world of therapy? These are questions I have pondered over the course of the last few weeks and even today. Asking myself these questions and hearing a collective “I DON’T KNOW” ringing through my head. When it comes down to it, I do know. I do know I am not selfish and I do know the world of therapy is for me, and it is for you as well! How do I know? The fact we can ask ourselves these questions tells us exactly what and where we need to be; allowing ourselves to catch a glimpse of the awareness we possess within ourselves to know we do matter and our mental health is of importance.
So, how am I doing today? I was feeling somewhat defeated, with thoughts of uncertainty. This does not make me an incapable therapist; it makes me human. As much as we want to put ourselves above the general population when it comes to tackling our mental health, saying “Hey world, I have my shit figured out”, we know deep down this is not the truth. We are human. We struggle with our mental health just as much as any other human, making us all “Mental Health Warriors”.
So, despite the “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad” moment of my day, I am grateful to have been given this healthy reminder to ask myself if I am doing okay. More importantly, reminding myself “it is okay to not be okay” as a therapist. It does not make me bad; it makes me mortal.
So, my sweet friend, how are you doing today?
With love and kindness,
A Fellow Therapist