The Power of Safe Place
In an attempt to share a personal reflection of my life, I would like to share of an incident which took place last night. While I was in bed with my husband, we both lay sleeping. I woke from a rather horrifying dream and felt a sense of panic wash over me as I woke. It was one of those dreams that seem so real and vivid, when you wake you are unsure if you are truly awake or still living in the dream you are attempting to wake from. Fortunately for myself, I was awake and in need of a moment of security and reassurance I was alright. It was at this moment, my husband rolled over and placed his arms around me without evening opening an eye.
I found this to be so effortlessly reassuring, I smiled and fell back asleep. This morning, as I reflected on the dream I had and my husband’s innate ability to provide the reassurance I was desperately needing in that moment, I found myself appreciating the safe space he provides for me and does not even realize it.
That is the power of a safe space, I suppose. It is a place we go to—whether in our minds or a physical spot or person. It is a space where we can unwind, catch our breath, and explore what we are needing to feed our souls and our minds. However, the media and parts of society have led us to believe having a space of safety makes us weak, unable to handle the day-to-day stress life throws our way. Some individuals may state having a space of safety is for the weak and those unable to deal with life. While I will not argue their opinions (because, well, we are entitled to our own thoughts) I would take a wager these individuals have a safe space where they go to-physically or mentally- to manage criticism, stress, worry, and the plethora of obstacles we face in a day.
As a Social Worker and Psychotherapist, I view having a space of safety and comfort as a sign of strength. It encompasses a set of skills those who are invested in their mental health work diligently at maintaining. It tells me as a therapist-as a friend-that you are able to recognize when you are feeling stress or other difficult emotions. It demonstrates your ability to seek and gain insight and awareness into your emotional and physical state. Having a space of safety indicates you are comfortable with self-exploration and taking a break to give yourself time to understand how your thoughts, emotions, and physical self are interconnected.
A safe space may contradict the views of those who say we need to leave the comfort of our safety to grow. However, I firmly believe having a safe space is part of the uncomfortable and difficult journey to personal growth and insight. When we develop a safe space, we recognize it takes us getting uncomfortable to become comfortable… we have to explore difficult areas to grow. We all have our limits– the moments when we say to ourselves ‘I think I need a break from being this uncomfortable’. That is what a safe space is for. It gives us the opportunity to take a deep breath, catch up with our growth and decipher where to go from here.
Having a safe space does not come easy for everyone. Perhaps you have never felt the comfort or safety in having a space to be yourself and experience the full range of human emotion without judgment. If this is you, I have a message for you– you can find a space of safety! If you have never experienced the emotion of safety, or if you have been bothered by the emotions and difficulties of trauma, anxiety, depression– I encourage you to find a space of comfort, peace, or calmness. You do not have to create a “safe” space, but a space where you can go in your mind and achieve the state in which you are seeking. For the sake of this blog post, I will continue to utilize the word “safe”, but please know, this word is inter-changeable and I highly encourage you to identify a word or phrase which best suits the space you are needing.
There are two types of safe spaces I teach my clients: mental safe spaces and physical safe spaces. For myself, my mental safe spaces comprise of places in my mind which bring a sense of calm and peace. This is a place where I can go for a minute or two to calm myself and separate my negative emotions from my ability to feel good. Below are my two mental safe spaces I will go to depending on my needs:
“Ireland”- I call this space “Ireland” because when I go here, I picture rolling green hills, rocks scattered throughout the landscape, an overcast sky, slight breeze, and picturing myself wearing cozy fall attire. I walk by myself, with no sign of civilization present. I just walk through this landscape I have created for myself until I feel I can come back to the present.
“The Pines”- My second space is titled “The Pines” because here, I am surrounded by luscious, green pine trees. The trees are fragrant and tower over me. The trees provide a sense of security as I wander and weave in and out of them. Here, I am alone. It is brisk in temperature and at times I will picture snow on the ground to silence my footsteps and the world around me.
While I find myself using my mental safe spaces more frequently, I do utilize physical safe spaces. I use a physical safe space when I have the luxury of leaving the place, situation, or event in which I am experiencing stress. When I go to a physical safe space, I am usually by myself. Below are the places I have identified as my physical safe spaces:
My Husband- I try to limit my dependence on my husband to assist in stressful situations, for fear of developing a co-dependent relationship. This is something I teach clients as well. I want myself and my clients to be able to talk openly to others about our emotional state. I also want them and myself to learn self-reliance and independence in managing our emotions. However, I feel my husband is someone I should go to when I am experiencing stress. Oftentimes, I do not need to talk to him about my stressors. He offers me a hug and that warm embrace is enough to calm me.
Hiking- Living out in the mountains has many perks. For myself, hiking is one of them. When I am able to connect with nature, escape the busy day-to-day challenges, and shut my mind off for a while… that is a good day. During a hike, I take my time, practice mindfulness by soaking in the scenery, smells, and sounds. I let my mind wander, not controlling or trying to shift its focus– I just let it be.
Developing a safe space takes practice and diligence in recognizing what places, situations, events, and even individuals not only cause stress but the places, situations, events, and individuals which bring peace to us. The best helping tip I can give another who is wishing to find a safe place is this: think of a time in your life when you felt irrevocably happy and content. Perhaps it was a particular place, a picture, a smell, and feeling. Use that to further explore how that moment, that place, that feeling can help you to develop a space of safety, comfort, peace, and acceptance with yourself.
Much like ourselves, a space of safety is to be explored, tended to, and developed as we grow and develop into more whole and mentally nourished individuals. So take the challenge to further explore yourself– to gain insight into your soul and your heart’s desires. As you do so, embrace the challenges, accept your emotions as they come and find a space for you to go– in your mind or physically– when you are needing a break. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.